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Children of expats have a broader look, but there are also disadvantages

Children of expatriates and immigrants have the advantage of getting to know multiple languages and cultures en through here a broader look at the world. But the flip side of the coin is missing family and sometimes the loss of their mother tongue and alienation of the domestic culture, says a survey of the Dutch World Broadcasting System with nearly 700 respondents.

Children of Dutch people who live abroad go remarkably often to a local school (almost two thirds) and not so often to for example an international school. “A local school contributes to a quick integration”, says one, while some other simply concludes “We don’t have an other choice on this island.”.

The mother tongue is kept up by following a course on Saturdays or parents talk the mother tongue at home. “We only speak Dutch at home and we eat in the evening at 6 O’clock usually a typical Dutch dishes, such as potatoes, vegetables and meat”, writes one of the respondents to the question of what is Dutch in the education of the children. Many parents find it a pity that their children don’t have much contact with the Dutch language.

Confusing
And one of the parents writes that a bilingual education can be confusing too for the children. “They are no as good in speaking their mother tongue, as their peers in their home country and aren’t really prepared for the domestic culture.” An other person goes further by saying that besides the loss of the mother tongue, there is a risk that living abroad causes an identity crisis.

The distance to the grandparents and other family were frequently mentioned as a disadvantage. And if the family moves regularly, the children struggle to find new friendships each year. “The circle of friends varies each year and depth in relationships is very hard to maintain at that age.”, writes one of the respondents.

More tolerance
But the reactions were mainly positive.  Many respondents say that their children grow up as world citizens. “I want to offer them a bit more than growing up in the village Holland”, says one of the parents. Children who grow up abroad have a much broader look at what happens in the world, says someone else. “They learn to consider that there are different cultures, that are all equally worthy. And that leads to having more tolerance for others” 

A number of parents quotes that their children have more space abroad and can enjoy the nature. In Sardinia they say: “There is less criminality and the air is cleaner. Which is of course  important for the health.”

Grow accustomed to the home country?
Despite the effort of the parents, just 52% of the children who have grown up abroad have the feeling that they are still Dutch. “I am afraid that they don’t feel at home in the sober culture of Holland”, is one of the answers to the question of the children can still come accustomed in the Netherlands. An other says that it will be hard because the knowledge of the Dutch language isn’t sufficient for the children. Some of the respondents are even afraid of discrimination. “My eldest of 21 is now in Holland, has brown hair and blue eyes and is already discriminated.” The cases are sometimes different than the parents had previously imagined. Children sometimes don’t want to go back to Holland. “Our children hardly have a  relationship with  Holland. They belong here, they feel at home here. That means that I no longer will go back to Holland as well.”

Statements from parents on what is typically Dutch in the upbringing of their children: 

• Our son is the only student that goes to school with his bike;
• Eating, traditions such as Saint Nicolas and Queens Dag and the Dutch language; 
• We speak  Dutch at home, we eat ‘hagelslag’ en ‘Goudse’ cheese, we eat normal sandwiches at lunch and no warm dish; 
• Relatively much freedom and participation;
• Make them independent;
• Learn them to be polite, FORCE my children to do certain things (which is very not-Swedish) Be clear (deal is a deal) and bring over our values. And eat late, not at 16 or 17 hrs. 
• Learn them skating on ice; 
• Tolerance, be open, take your own responsibility. And further more, love for “drop”, chease, “spekjes” and pancakes.

Source: Wereldexpat
Author: Wendy Braanker
Date of publication: the 20th of August 2009

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